“go, go to sleep, it is late,” said my granny (mama). “No! I want to wait for you”, I replied. “you don’t have to wait for me, go to sleep now!”
Every night at around 9:30 pm, my mama will head inside our room. Settled down on the floor at a corner of the room, she whipped out her magnifying glass as she starts reading the newspaper. There’s this specific section that interests her most; the Chinese horoscope. She will read through the entire newspaper and save the last for the best, she then reads the horoscope last. Spending at least twenty to thirty minutes on them. As she’s focused on reading the papers, I would often join her. I would do all kinds of silly actions just to gain her attention. I would circle around her, purposefully sits on the papers, blocking her view or tries disrupting her by talking about random stuff. Many times she would shoo me off. “Go, go to sleep, it is late,” she said. “No! I want to wait for you”, I replied. “you don’t have to wait for me, go to sleep now!” I pretended the message wasn’t for me and continue to wait on her as she reads the papers and pretended my non — existence.
The clock is ticking, my eyelids are heavy as I waited on. The moment she’s done, she would then pack away the papers and I would carry my fatigued body and heavy eyelids up to my bed. My mama and I shared the same room. We also shared a bunk bed, I get the upper layer to save her old body from climbing up and down daily. She will ask if I am ready before turning the lights off. As she heads towards her bed in the dark, I would get the ball rolling by telling her about my day at school. I would ask for her advice and in return, she would share with me her life stories and often telling me to see things from another perspective. I am not closed with my parents and they were busy working and my mama is my main caregiver. Thus, many times, I would complain about my parents not wanting me or spending enough time with me. Every single time, she never failed to explain patiently about the situation and encourage me to be independent. At times, I would share with her my emotions and her magic never fails, she would listen and like a counselor, she would paraphrase and respond positively.
I love this reciprocate conversations I had daily with my mama. I would lay on my pillow, hugged my security smelly bolster that she made for me, looked up at my glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and talk non-stop with my mama. Endless topics, engaging conversations are precious. Sometimes the conversation will go on and on for an hour or so. Other times, the conversation will go off abruptly and snoring can be heard. I would then lay on my bed counting the number of glowing stars and slowly slipping into Lalaland.
My pillar, my support; my mama. I felt safe with you.
